PlayLouder Presents:
The Shitlist 2003
The 20 Worst Albums and Singles of 2003, as voted for by the PlayLouder staff and freelancers. Compiled by Adam Alphabet
On Monday December 22nd, PlayLouder unveils its records of the year - the 50 best singles and albums to have been released in the past 12 months, as voted for by us. But until then, let this ugly collection of evil bullshit be a warning to you - very bad records are being made, all the time, and worse - twisted swine and foolish fools are filling your brain with lies in the hope that you'll waste your cash on these abominations, in the hope that their Lord Satan will reward them with extra scaly cock space on which to suckle. These, ladies and Gentlemen, are the worst records of 2003...
ALBUMS
1: The Strokes - Room On Fire
Joyless, sexless, lifeless, retarded, dull, foolish, and plain insulting to humanity as a species. It sounds exactly the same as 'Is This It', only minus any tunes AT ALL. Fucking con.
2: Jet - Get Born
Australia's answer to the question, 'is it possible to be any more in debt to sweaty seventies pub bullshit than The Stereophonics?
3: The Darkness - Permission To Land
If you hate The Darkness you are a Nazi. Nazis appear to have infiltrated PlayLouder.
4: Kings Of Leon - Youth And Young Manhood
Fucking shit hairy little cunts.
5: The Coral - Magic And Medicine
Druggy Scousers playing fucking old fogies music get called radical by fucking old fogey Nazis. It's Cast all over again. Burn them all.
6: The Stereophonics - You Gotta Go There To Come Back
Go there and don't come back.
7: Black Rebel Motorcycle Club - Take Them On On Your Own
Poseur junky scum make the same shit album. Losers.
8: Starsailor - Silence Is Easy
Fucking shut up then you big faced freak.
9: G Unit - Give Mercy
The sound of a dead horse flogging a dead horse. The rap equivalent of Chinese water torture.
10: Madonna - American Life
If I make a record this shitty can I snog Britney too?
*11: Whirlwind heat - 'Do Rabbits Wonder'
12: Her Space Holiday - The Young Machines
13: Ryan Adams - Love Is Hell pt 1
14: Kelly Osbourne - Shut Up
15: Hidden Cameras - The Smell Of Our Own
16: Nelly Furtado - Folklore
17: The Thrills - So Much For The City
18: Atomic Kitten - Ladies Night
19: Radio 4 - Gotham
20: Peaches - Fatherfucker* SINGLES
1: Pop Idol - Merry Xmas (War Is Over)
The first Pop Idol was funny. This shit is not funny anymore. These cunts want fucking stabbing, and the cunts behind them want fucking raping, then stabbing. For charity, obviously.
2: Stereophonics - Madame Helga
They sacked the big mong head so their numbers are fewer, but they still pump out more shit than a sewer.
3: Electric 6 - Gay Bar
Nothing wrong with joke bands if the joke is funny. The Electric 6 joke is not funny.
4: Fast Food Rockers - Fast Food Song
Child obesity is not a joke. FFR should be fucking strung up by their fucking nipples and beaten with chainsaws.
5: Strokes 12:51
It would not shock me to discover that that singer from the Strokes with the alleged rapist Dad is a nonce. This is nonce music, to nonce by.
6: Stereophonics - Maybe Tomorrow
Two in the top ten! Maybe tomorrow someone will tear that short arsed Hobbitey prick singer's bollocks of and stick them up his fat arse.
7: Big Brovaz - Favourite Things
Oh man, this is so totally disgusting. Like watching big fat ladies covered in honey rolling around in piles of 5 dollar bills and butt fucking Ethiopians with 12" strap-ons and shit. On an evil level of 1 to 10, this is Hitler.
8: David Sneddon - Stop Living the Lie
And he did! So we don't have to suffer his super-bland slapped arseface whiney AOR bullshit ever again. Sweet.
9: Jet - Rollover DJ
This is the funniest shit ever. Retro guitar scum blast DJs for playing other people's records. It's like dogs ragging on seals for barking.
10: Justin Timberlake - I'm Loving It
Some people think selling cheesy meat biscuits to povs and kids in return for millions of dollars is cool. PlayLouder does not.
*11: The Androids - Do It With Madonna
12: Dido - White Flag
13: Westlife - Mandy
14: Elton John - Are You Ready for Love
15: The Flaming Lips - Fight Test
16: Gareth Gates - Spirit in the Sky
17: Fiery Furnaces - Crystal Clear
18: 50 Cent 21 Questions
19: The White Stripes - I just Don't Know What To Do With Myself
20: The Coral - Bill McCai* THING
*1: George W Bush
2: The War in Iraq
3: Johnny Cash dying
4: Tony Blair not dying of a heart attack
5: Kate Lawler*
And that is that! You have been warned! Thank you and goodnight!
Adam Alphabet
In case you're interested, we got the results by asking our staff and freelancers for their top five bad albums and singles, (and shit thing). We gave 5 points for their first choice, 4 for their second, etc.
