Playlouder - Music is the Network

16/02/04-22/02/04
Hey, jaded readers, you wanna know what to buy today? What little sparks of brilliance in the new singles box at your local record store should be tempting you with your tenner? Look no further than this week’s Singles Top Fifteen rundown!

BUBBLING UNDER...

I remember the day when Ministry Of Sound were a force to be reckoned with on the dance front, but the label’s latest offering - '*Give It Away*', by Deepest Blue - is an instantly-forgettable dirge that wouldn’t be out of place on Middle Of the Road Tunes You’ve Forgotten Already Volume 53. Limp, whining voice with Mr Dull Beats providing the music. Next!

At last! Some RAWK! LOCK DOWN PROJECT! Just their name sounds rock. Lock. Down. Project. ROCK! AND they’ve had nice things said about them by KERRANG!, and Logo magazine compare them to Metallica! LET’S RAWK! Hang on, though - they’re out on tour with Fun Lovin’ Criminals this month, which is odd...oh, no. I’ve been ripped off. '*Good Fellas*' isn’t loud and fun at all, it’s a Spanish thing, like Fun Lovin’ Criminals doing a cover version of one of those irritating flamenco pop songs they play in the coach from the airport to the hotel in Spain. I can’t begin to descibe how truly crap this single is.

Whilst providing the (very) occasional flash of excitement when fronting The Voodoo Queens, Anjali has done little to set the pulse racing since, and new single '*Rainy Day*' is more of the same. It’s a 60s-style plodder, with Anjali’s whispered, breathless vocals causing your eyelids to droop long before the end. You just KNOW that St. Etienne could do this so much better. She even does a version in French. Pourquoi? Je ne sais pas... mais c’est diabolique.

Beenie Man. Didn’t he release an ace album a few years ago? Love reggae, but there’s hardly anything decent around at the moment... or am I looking in the wrong places? New single '*Dude* sort of trots along in a toaster style (or, being a middle-class, white journalist, should I say "stylee"?) but goes nowhere. Complete waste of time.
And on to the countdown, pop-pickers!

NUMBER 15!
And on to '*Busted*... Busted insist they’re a "real" band, which always makes me chuckle. Can you imagine their first meeting? “Let’s form a band, guys! Bagsy I play guitar!”...“No, I want to play guitar...”...”So do I!”. So they all play guitar or bass and have to get someone else in to play drums... but the funniest thing is that they have to hire another GUITARIST when they go on tour, because they’re not quite good enough! Such scamps. New single '*Who’s David*' is, as expected, a dire stab at pop-punk - sort of Good Charlotte without the tats. I’m looking forward to seeing Charlie Simpson’s "real" band, Fight Star, at The Garage on Wednesday... apparently they do Nine Inch Nails covers. Weird.

NUMBER 14!
Oh, God... now it’s Alex Parks and '*Cry*' (at least, I think it is, as my computer tells me that it’s actually KOLA by Milo Sheff and Mike Charles). People seem to think that Alex is “alright”: “Compared to some of those Pop Idol people she’s OK...”, they demur. “She’s a lesbian, dontchaknow?” they enquire, with just a hint of smut in their eyes. Well... she IS alright, I suppose. But she’s alright in the way that a half-eaten, two-day-old sausage is alright when it’s provided as an option of your dining for the evening against a handful of woodlice and three fat stick insects after you haven’t eaten for two days because you can’t be arsed to allow the TV company to see how many times you can be stung by a scorpion on your knob-end before you die and so haven’t been provided with any sustenance. 'Cry' is middle-of-the-road slush, only made worse by her quavering voice. And she looks a little like a half-eaten sausage as well. With a little tuft of fungus on the top.

NUMBER 13!
I’ve got nothing against Kings Of Leon - indeed, I’ve bought a couple of splendid singles by them - but the latest to be lifted off the album, '*California Waiting*', is a crappy Dire Straits-like dirge that isn’t even half as good as the worse Creedence Clearwater Revival B-side. About as rock’n’roll as... well, Alex Parks. Mind you, my computer tells me that I’m listening to Take You Home by Caroline Shenai...

NUMBER 12!
While it might be applauded that Belle And Sebastian have blossomed forth from their prior twee persona, their new single is so irritatingly twee that I fear they could collapse back into insipid indie turpitude at the flick of a limp wrist. It’s called '*I’m A Cuckoo*', frcrissake! It rips a little from Bob Dylan’s 'Positively 4th Street'. It’s dire.

NUMBER 11!
Fun Lovin' Criminals were once the coolest band on the planet, it seemed. Feted and fawned over, their legendary babes, blunts and beer lifestyle saw them conquering all. But then they found themselves without a record deal. What went wrong THERE, then? Put simply, they never managed to recreate the buzz of their early sound, slowly declining into a sort of dope-fuelled lounge act, before being picked up by the increasingly excellent Sanctuary label. They still sell out huge venues, and I’m sure they’re still lovely chaps to go drinking with, but... well, it’s all a little tame nowadays on the music front. New single '*Beautiful*' is like Chris De Burgh, or Chris Rea, or Val Doonican... tame, lifeless, and aimed squarely at that Radio 2 playlist. Come on guys, kick some ass again... please?

NUMBER 10!
At least Hundred Reasons will save me, with '*What You Get*'. ARGH! Has the world gone MAD? Normally shouty and boisterous, Hundred Reasons have gone all "mellow" - or "done a Feeder" as we say - and recorded a passionate song from the heart, the sort that all punk bands record for their album to pick up a little airplay in the States when the label tell them that they’re not going to keep them on unless they get a hit. sigh It’s a very nice song, though, honestly, especially if you’re a fan of Terrorvision and Feeder.

NUMBER 9!
Auf der Maur is the name of the band fronted by Melissa Auf Der Maur, formerly of the parishes of Hole and Smashing Pumpkins. The album isn’t anywhere near as cool as it might have been - think Belly’s second album - though new single '*Followed The Waves*' is better than average. Big sheets of guitars from Melissa and guest axeman Queens Of The Stone Age’s Josh Homme, a slow tempo, her OK vocals... it’s not a GREAT single, but better than most this week. I bet it’s got a cool video, though.

NUMBER 8!
Ah... Death Cab For Cutie. They’ve never QUITE done it for me. Four albums in now, and a multitude of singles, there’s never QUITE been that killer song that lures me into their lair and fastens me for good in their web... and new single '*The New Year*' is nice, but not great - unlike frontman Ben Gibbard’s recent work with side-project The Postal Service, which is sheer brilliance! Not sounding too far removed from Foo Fighters, 'The New Year'’s got massive guitars setting the scene but doesn’t quite reach anywhere - though the vocals go all spooky, like when a ghost talks in Sapphire and Steel, which is cool.

NUMBER 7!
There are many things on the press release that initially put me off Ursula Rucker’s '*This*' on ) delivery and the jazzy rhythms owe more to Patti Smith than anyone else that springs to mind. Not a hope of getting any airplay, natch, apart from some late-late-night jazzy show on some obscure BBC station, but certainly better than yer average cooler-than-thou jazz wannabes and warranting a little of your time.

NUMBER 6!
Currently out on tour with The Scissor Sisters, Syntax are new to me (shows how much I know - they’ve already had a top thirty hit with 'Pray'...) - though their new single, '*Bliss*', is a damned fine introduction. A BIG production, it’s reminiscent of Depeche Mode at their finest - dark, swirling synths, a sinister thumping beat and chilled/chilling vocals. They must be the bee’s bloody knees live. Unusually for what is ostensibly a dance single, the three bonus remixes are just as ace, so this is a damned fine bargain.

NUMBER 5!
Lord knows where the fuck this came from, but I’m clutching a CD by a band called The $hit, who maintain that they’ve invented brand new genres of music such as Discometal, pop’n’roll, glitchrock, computer punk and electric grindcore. Not too sure about that, but these three self-confessed “benefit claimants and latent musical genii from Wolverhampton” have definitely veered towards the Digital Hardcore end of the spectrum, though not QUITE as hard as DHR tend to be, on this single, '*We Don’t Give A Fuck About Soul*'. My betting’s that you’re not going to find a copy of this outside of extremely cool shops in the Wolves area, so have a peek at www.thefuckingshit.cjb.net for more info.

NUMBER 4!
The Barbs’ '*The Importance Of Being Evil*' is a glorious sub-three-minute burst of Rezillo-like punk-rock, slightly scary, full of attitude, and the best bass sound I’ve heard in a long time. Tim and Amy’s vocals are a perfect match for each other and it’s got ace guitar snarling and is an all-round good egg. Punka pukka!

NUMBER 3!
Bubba’s back! Bubba Sparxxx, that is, and he’s got a rollicking rocking beats’n’rock’everything else single out in '*Back In The Mud*'. Couldn’t quite get my head around the first album, despite the whole world thinking it was the best thing since sliced bread, though the recent 'Deliverance' is far more interesting... but I haven’t seen much about the fella this time around! Improbable as it sounds, 'Back In The Mud' is a kinda cross between The Pixies and Outkast - no, come back, it’s true! Fast beats, punky guitars, but breaks with his rappy bit... and the other mixes are coolasfuck too, even Travis out of Blink 182’s! Bubba rules. Well, you ain’t gonna argue with him, are you?

NUMBER 2!
Like Drive Like You Stole It and We Rock Like Girls Don’t, Dogs Die In Hot Cars were ALWAYS going to get a little attention merely because of their ace name. So do they cut the mustard? Oh, yes!! Recently signed to V2 Records, the four-track '*Man Bites Man*' EP is their first release for the label, and a splendid collection of songs it is, too. Just as you’re thinking “Blimey, it’s XTC!” as you listen to the opening title-track, it goes into the second track, 'Queen Of The Pumpkin Plukes', which not only SOUNDS like early XTC, but which has a song title that XTC should surely have copyrighted! Absolutely lovely EP - buy the limited edition 7” and worship it.

NUMBER ONE!
Yes, as you may well have surmised by now, Ikara Colt are SINGLE OF THE WEEK. Predictable? Maybe, but they’re so far ahead of anything else this week that there was really never any doubt. With a new bassist and a new album on the way in May, '*Wanna Be That Way*' is the perfect reminder that these guys are probably the best young band in Britain today. It’s the best of The Fall and Sonic Youth and At The Drive-In all rolled into one fuzzy, cuddly ball of fun, spitting guitars and heart-hammering bass-runs and shouty mad vocals. “HEY, hey, hey! You Wanna Be That Way!” they yell, and there’s no way you’re going to say no to them. Available in numerous formats - two CDs and a 7” - we’ve only got the title-track to listen to, but I’m betting the rest are just as supersonic so buy all formats and get them on (The All New) Floppety-Flop!!

Nik Moore